How to Ask a Girl Out

One of the hardest parts of lesbian dating is actually asking another woman out. Women aren’t really ever taught how to ask someone out. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out, whether it’s your first time or your fiftieth. Remember, the worst thing that could happen is she says no. And the best is that she says yes. When you’re ready, here are a few tips for asking another woman out.

Lesbian Online Dating
If you’re both on a lesbian dating site, asking someone out is relatively easy. If you see someone who’s profile is interesting to you, send her a message. Mention something about her profile that piqued your interest. Your favorite author is Jodi Picoult? Mine too! Have you read her most recent book? Send her a message that talks about her profile and also ask her a question, so she has reason to write you back. If she writes back and you have a nice banter over email, it’s time to ask to meet her in person.

Ask if she’d like to meet you for coffee or a drink. Pick somewhere relatively casual, because you’ll both probably be nervous anyway. This is also a good time to get her phone number so she can call if she’s running late. Some people like to talk on the phone before they meet in person, but it’s not necessary. Just make sure you meet in a relatively public place the first time and tell someone where you’re going.

Facebook or other Social Media Site
When you’re out in a social setting and you meet new people, it’s common to go home and find those new friends on Facebook. When you send a friend request to the girl who you met at happy hour, go ahead and send her a message. Say it was nice meeting her and ask if she’d like to get together for a drink or dinner some time. Better yet, if there was something you connected about, ask her to do that. For example, did she say she loved documentary films? Find one playing and ask her to go with you. Is she an avid biker? Ask her to go for a ride sometime. It’s best to have these conversation via private message and not on her wall.

If you see someone you like out
You’re at a bar or other lesbian social gathering. You see someone that interests and you want to ask her out. But how do you do it? The first thing you should do is find something to talk to her about. If she’s with a friend, go up and introduce yourself and she if you can join in their conversation. If she’s alone, go up and introduce yourself and ask her name. Find something to talk about: the band that’s playing or how she knows the host. People who are alone usually are relieved when someone talks to them in a social situation. Offer to get her a drink or something from the buffet.

If you’re not sure if she is into you, excuse yourself and go do something else for a while. See if she finds you again or if you can sense her watching you. Before you leave for the night, go back and tell her you enjoyed talking to her and would like to see her again. See if you can bring up something of the conversation you two had. “So, hey, I’m a big women’s basketball fan too, would you like to go see a game sometime?” Or, “I know this great wine bar that serves a really nice Oregon pinot noir. Would you like to check it out with me?” If she says yes, then ask for her number and tell her you’ll call to follow up. Then do.

Dating can be fun and exciting. It can also test your self-confidence. No matter what the outcome, congratulate yourself for asking another woman out on a date.

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